Being human vs.(?) Being a coach
Coaching is a relational practice.
When coaches start out, they tend to “do coaching”.
As they mature, they become coaches.
They hold space, being-with their clients, rather than applying techniques and models. It’s very powerful indeed to spend time in a space like that.
The next challenge is to figure out where the line is between being a coach and just being a fellow human being. The overlap is huge! But there are distinct differences that can have a significant effect on the relationship, and hence the outcome of the coaching.
For example, your client shares that they’re being bullied in the workplace. You happen to have had similar experiences with bullying in the past, and so you find yourself empathising a LOT! Do you share this with your client?
On the one hand, it can create a very strong connection and the feeling of being truly understood (even though, phenomenologically, that’s an illusion, it’s a powerful experience for your client). And as a fellow human, you would probably want to connect in this way.
On the other hand, as a coach you know that your client’s experience is what we commit to focus on, and that your own experience isn’t really that relevant here, if at all.
I no longer believe that there’s a right or wrong in this sort of scenario, unless you’re blatantly getting lost or triggered in your own experience and subsequently finding it difficult to focus or stay non-directive.
What’s going on for yourself is actually a valid, and quite powerful way of working with clients, and there are some excellent resources on “use of self” in coaching.
If you are curious to explore this ahead, I have a list of resources you can check out. Tagged in the comments below.
Hope you’ll find these resources helpful and I’d love to know how you relate to use of self in your coaching work.
With Love
Yannick
