A short story/reminder to stay fresh, and to check into what you may have started to take for granted in your practice.
A little while ago I ran a consultation with someone working at a large organisation. As I usually do I asked her to tell me her story. What I’m really interested in is “who are you?”, your values, beliefs, worldview. When someone tells you their story, it’s rich material to give me an insight into how you approach the world, others, and yourself.
Along the way I get curious, digging deeper into certain areas, interested to hear more about this, that, or the other aspect of your life, work and experience.
Now, I clearly had fallen into a groove there and made some implicit assumptions, because rather than “inviting” her into this kind of conversation, I just started to ask questions.
She kept most of her answers quite short, responded to the questions, but didn’t tap into much richness, and it felt like hard work to open up. I figured at the time that it just needed a bit of time and building rapport for her to open up, and didn’t think much of it. But I got a feeling after we hung up that she won’t be in touch – and low and behold, she never turned up to our follow up call.
On reflection, I think she wasn’t up for telling me her story. I think she expected a different kind of coaching, and I missed the opportunity to contract around what this is going to be, and, importantly, how she feels about that.
A brief invitation at the start, a question about any previous experience with coaching or expectations she might bring into the conversation, or asking permission to apply a new process, really could have made that difference.
I had taken certain understandings for granted and it was an important reminder to review my process and readjust.
If you’re an experienced coach, what grooves might you have fallen into over the years? What did you used to do that you no longer do? How does it land? What might you not do anymore that is actually an important part of the work? What’s been jettisoned for a good reason (and what is that reason)?
Curious to hear your thoughts!
And remember: We’re always in a process of becoming.
With Love
Yannick
