Control vs. Letting go

What’s your relationship with uncertainty?

Do you find yourself trying to control outcomes?

Perhaps you work hard to make something happen exactly the way you want it to be, or you have a hard time letting things take their course. Maybe you suffer when it’s not up to you how things turn out…

In a recent post my friend and colleague Itai Ivtzan opened up about his journey towards learning to let things go. And just this morning a prospective client talked about how she’s always working super hard to plan and strategize in an effort to make things happen.

I recognize this desire to control as a strength.

I recognize that both of these beautiful people are high achievers.

I also recognize that it’s only an asset to a certain degree, after which it really impacts wellbeing and peace of mind. How many high achievers do you know who are miserable?

We recorded an episode of Talking about Coaching once questioning whether there is such a thing as a “healthy obsession”, and I think this plays into a desire to control things.

Me, I’m on the other side of that spectrum. I sometimes wish I was more controlling, more obsessed, more involved in making things happen exactly as I envision them. I think it would be helpful to build what I’m building, to stay on top of the numbers, to monitor progress closely, and to stick with a particular course of action until we’re over the finish line.

I’m letting things go very easily. I think perhaps too easily.

It helps me to be very relaxed, and to go through life with a sense of calm non-attachment. And I’m grateful for that. I’d rather be there than on the opposite end of that spectrum. But I do think that some balance here would probably be conducive to making shit happen. There’s a special energy in it.

For me this was a reminder that any strength can be overdone and affect you negatively, and that there may be a strength hidden in your most toxic behaviours patterns.

It’s all about finding that sweet spot.

Do you recognize any of this in yourself?


Next event: Live coaching demo – Moving beyond trauma with Kate Brassington


Quick reminder that we’ve got the wonderful Kate Brassington as our guest coach in the Coaching Lab next month. If you’re curious how a coach might work with trauma, do tune in, or sign up as a member for a chance to watch the recording.


New content – It’s official: Coaching Uncaged Season 15!

I’m happy to share that we’ve just recorded the wrap up for Season 14, and announced that Season 15 will hone in on Coaching’s theoretical lenses, but in a practical way. I look forward to introducing some more structure to these episodes, and we’ve got an exciting list of guests we’re reaching out to. Stay tuned!